dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
