do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
