I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm at about main and main street
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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