He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
