i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
