you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
