How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
