yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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