Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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