I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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