i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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