There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
