I'm drive I can fine osifer
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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