I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
