Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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