i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
