We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
