do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
