he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
