Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
