Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
