Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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