its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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