New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
