I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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