Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
