i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
