Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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