I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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