I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
