i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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