and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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