I want to stick my p in your. b.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
