Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
