I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
