he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it hurts more in the daytime
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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