...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
