Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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