Even the bartender felt bad for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
