He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
