Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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