whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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