I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
