If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
