and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
