when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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