Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
