just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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