Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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