I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
