totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
