i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
