I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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