I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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