i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize