Having a random hookup so left but love u
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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