I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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