Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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