Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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