I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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