butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
