They should really pass out barf bags in church
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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