ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
