Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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