so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
