i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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