I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
